Oh the life of ministry...

Oh the life of ministry...

This week of being back in North Carolina has been filled with great times, random, and it's challenges. 

This journey of faith contained with the unexpected challenges and provisions. One such example is when everything seemed to be on an increasing downhill. Cancelled meetings, low fundage, and the like. Enjoying the time here, yet the performance anxiety kicking in. A glimpse of hope with an unexpected gift. Then finding my car has been towed. Well there goes the gift...

Yet the provision in the timing and provided opportunity to catch up more with a friend. More than that, a continued test of trust.

Some more spiraling down when hear word of a closing of a  friend's ministry. Then and a need to change locations for my event. And cancelled numbers.  Should I cancel? Why waste people's time?

But at the same time, God already prompted my sweet sister though states away (B.Sue) to be already praying for me. We text each other at the same time. Me asking for prayer and her already on it.

I move forward in grace. The event was not about the numbers. It was about obedience, encouragement, and provided the opportunity to meet a stranger who learned about the issue of trafficking and a chance to hear about the gospel. Results are never my own.

This is just a small example of the many ups and downs of ministry and the battle in between. It is an example of the hand of Grace over my life. Things rarely work out the way expected and choosing to enjoy the beautiful mess in between.

Here's to the next step of faith..

Thankful for community that joins me on what I could never venture through on my own.

Thankful for a God with an endless supply of  love and grace.

For God or With God?

"We work with, not for" Some people with NMSI have used this phrase to show we work more alongside each other rather than a hierarchy. (note: we do have the necessary authority structure) but I have been corrected when my mindset constantly thinks of being under someone, when instead it is more of a partnership.

Though this sounds great, it is taking some getting used to. This struggle relates to my relationship with Christ. So many times I try to do things for God. Constantly trying to please Him and never living up. When instead, I am missing where He's already at and where He is going.

The mission of Christ and His heart for the nations is so clear and evident throughout Scripture. And this will happen in my doing or not. God's plan will continue, His Church will prevail. And the amazing part is that God invites us to be a part of that. To join Him. 

None of what I do, YouthHOPE, or any local church does is really that impressive in and of itself. It becomes impressive though, when we join in what God is already doing among the nations. I encourage you to really join in His glorious plan and live out your role and purpose for His Kingdom. It is not about what we do for Him (as I so often get backwards) but joining where Christ is already at work. 

To Him be the glory! 

Processes are inconvenient.

The most beautiful things come in a process. A journey. Well how unfortunate for my success driven, instant gratification world.

Thinking of processes. Of how a gold is refined in fire. How wounds take time to heal. How a caterpillar turns into a butterfly. Or the journey of seeing kids grow up.

Well I do not always like the idea of a process because I'd rather not wait. With numerous options always before me, fast food, and medicine for however I feel that day.  My life is filled with band-aids and quick fixes. Those around around me are too busy anyway figuring out when they can get the latest iPhone. So make sure it's convenient.

My life is a process. When I trust God, it usually involves waiting when I'd rather not and moving when I am scared to. His timing is not my own.

If I had it my way, I would raise support in a day. I would rescue all the girls from brothels and capture all the pimps. I would take up all the child soldiers and feed all the hungry children.

But if it does not work that way, are we willing to invest still? If it takes more than a band-aid and involves deep heartache, will we keep going?

Are we willing to wait?

And I do not mean passively wait, I mean actively handing it over to our Lord. I mean doing your part now. Faithful for what is entrusted to you today so you can be obedient for tomorrow.

If I do not get the recognition and praise, will I be willing to show up and give?

If there is opposition, will we see it as an excuse to give up?
Well Believer, I hope not because we are pretty much guaranteed opposition. Opposition does not mean you are not called, it means you are in battle.

Sometimes I get frustrated because it never feels like enough. I feel like I need to do more, I am not good enough. I can't raise support. But was reminded today, it really doesn't matter how long it takes. It is a process. There is so much God needs to work in my heart to prepare me. He is working in the local community around me, though I do not always see it. His timing is not my own.

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. - 2 Peter 3:9

Throughout, I will actively trust, not in my performance but in His love. Though it may be uncomfortable, I will wait. And I will walk through the fire.
 For He is worthy.
And has called me to live a life worthy.

The Just Church

"In the work of justice, God is beckoning us to experience his profound love for us and for the vulnerable of this world. The call to fight against injustice is therefore the call to intimacy with God and to deep discipleship."

I am privileged with the opportunity to read and review one of IJM's new books- The Just Church, by Jim Martin. This is a fantastic resource for individuals and churches to get involved in God's plan, for His people to be solution to the suffering of the world's vulnerable. This is needed now more than ever and the church should respond to God's call. Jim Martin does a profound job providing tools and making the connection how joining the fight of justice is fertile ground for discipleship.

Working with YouthHOPE, has opened up my eyes more to the injustices around the world, but more than that, it's showed me the opportunity for hope. Hope is vital because it is so easy, especially when focusing on statistics, to get caught in despair and burn-out quickly. Or jump in too quickly from emotion but realize good intentions will not last and is a shallow motivation.

Jim Martin starts the book off with failure and shares how our faith may reach failure points, which is almost inevitable in ministry to victims of oppression.  I personally have realized this failure point all too well and faced burn-out. I have realized though that weakness and opposition do not excuse our hiding in fear. This book provides good ways to prevent and recover from failure. Including spiritual disciplines, such as rest and sabbath, and role of community to ensure we don't go through a failure point alone. I appreciate this because community has played a vital role in my healing and growth. Relationships are not always easy but we cannot do this work alone. We are not designed to. 

We need to join together in the work of justice and I am thankful for this resource to better equip churches to do so. This book is an invitation, requiring courage and humility, to join the justice journey and be changed along the way. Each community will look different in the methods or way they respond but each of us can play a part and actually make a difference in bringing forth God's justice and love to the world. 

I am grateful for the work of International Justice Mission and for Jim Martin to provide this resource to better equip the Church. I have been encouraged and challenged reading it and better equipped in my role for responding to God's call. I hope it encourages others to join as well. 

 Check it out for yourself and let me know your thoughts. http://bit.ly/Qbe99G

Give me Faith

Many times I relate certain seasons of my life to a song, particularly a worship song that I resonate with during that time. Then as I hear it later, it is a neat opportunity to recognize God's faithfulness through all seasons.

Though there are many good ones, right now the song I would probably choose is "Give Me Faith" by Elevation Worship to describe my current prayer..

I need you to soften my heartTo break me apartI need you to open my eyesTo see that You're shaping my life
All I am,I surrender
Give me faith to trust what you sayThat you're good and your love is greatI'm broken inside, I give you my life
I need you to soften my heartTo break me apartI need you pierce through the darkAnd cleanse every part of me
I may be weakYour spirit strong in meMy flesh may failMy God you never will (repeat)

It is one of those prayers that God really shows through and you almost regret praying it because you don't know if you're ready or can take it. It's like praying for patience and all week your patience is tested more then ever.  Or for God to break your heart for what breaks His, God will answer and it hurts. Throughout college, for my friend Christina and I, it was the song "Overwhelm Me.. overwhelm me, shake the ground I stand on, I want to be dependent on You" and God for sure answered it! I found myself in many situations that shook my independent facade and only could rely on Christ alone. But all these prayers are worth it. Do not fear.


I remember singing this song "Give me Faith" as an intern about to go for the first time to Cambodia. Then a year later, singing it with the interns this past summer before they all embarked across the world. So powerful to watch them really begin to walk in such surrender. 

I would have to stop myself when it said "All I am, I surrender"... Whoosh! Really, everything?  Am I really willing to trust God with everything? To surrender my plans, finances, and control?

But after the Lord has brought me through many experiences that  have softened my heart, broken me apart, and opened my eyes to see how He's shaping my life... Then yes! I have no other option really. It's all or nothing. He has brought me this far, chosen me, and carries me through. All I am is His anyway.  

So Father keep giving me faith to trust what You say, that You're good, and Your love is great because I know I am weak but Your spirit is strong in me. 
My flesh may fail, My God you never will!!  

Shout-out to my professors, mentors, and supporters, and youth workers!

When you invest in their training, you're investing in their ministry..

I sat across at lunch discussing how sometimes it seems more difficult to raise support and technically live in the States. Or raise support and go to a place like kayak the Georgian Bay in Canada or minister to youth in Australia.

But as we were talking, I was reminded of how exciting it is when supporters get to see you throughout the whole process of development. And not just you, but God at work in you and throughout the world.

This reminder impacted me so strong in the moment because I was taken back by the reminder of how much it took to get to this point.

Lately, I've been anxiously wanting to get started on the long-term goals ahead and how much it will take to get there and how far I am away from it. Stuck with the lies of  "if I was already heading over to SE Asia, or maybe published a book, or get more "attractive" stories about rescue, etc. Then people would support me faster"

But I was reminded of how much God has already done and how much more meaningful it is for the people who have been with me throughout the whole process, even when it is often messy. I am not promising that one day I will rescue a whole brothel or even publish a book. But, by grace, I will keep walking forward in living a life worthy God's call.

Thank you to those who have invested in my training and development so far.

I am grateful for the time at Snowbird learning about missions and being part of such exhausting but rewarding work for the gospel.

I am grateful for my time at Montreat and the beloved professors that invested so much into teaching us, not only inside the classroom but so much more in investing their lives in us personally. And for mentors like Michelle Weeks, Mel Wilson, and Annie Carlson. And the deep friendships that developed and helped spur me on.

For that time I tried to fight going to the wilderness again (LDW Canada) and time spent at Holler Ministries.

Time volunteering and then becoming a live-in intern at the Hope House, through all the ups and downs of ministering to victims.

For the local church family.

For the many friends and supporters already.

THANK YOU for investing in me when I did not realize there was anything in me worthy to invest in.

For the many youth workers out there pouring their lives to awkward, many times ungrateful teens but worth our time! By investing in youth, you are investing in the future of the church. Of bringing Kingdom come today.

SWO.SMO.

The last three weeks I spent investing at Snowbird Wilderness Outfitters. I love this ministry. This is where my love for youth, wilderness ministry (OLD School), and experiencing biblical community all came about. This is the place where I really began to understand the need for missions and desire to serve globally. This is home in a lot of ways.  I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to partner with them in the advancement of the gospel! 

The first week I worked with Church Alive (my home church)!  

 

Revelation Skit

Serving with youth in local missions (SMO)

Missing.

I can't stop looking at this missing children's ad. I was devastated to this missing teen ad and can't stop thinking about it, even awake at 4 AM praying about it. How many times have I seen ads like this that haven't hardly even caught my attention? Why is this different?

... I know her.

When I met her, she was 12, now 13. Many think she's older but it's only from what she's been through.

She loves Spongebob and likes to sing Bruno Mars songs.

She likes to eat dinosaur chicken nuggets and McDonalds when she can.

She plays basketball and double-dutch.

She can try to fight back, be stubborn, and a lot to handle but those are just walls. You may call it RAD (Radical Attachment Disorder) or whatever else, inside she's a broken girl just like a lot of us. She's been through so much hurt- she's been through hell on earth.

And now she's most likely back in slavery. Used and abused multiple times a day, while I lay my head on a comfortable pillow.

Some days I wish I knew nothing. But it's now personal.

It's more than statistics. They have a name...

Will you please pray she is found?

Pray she knows she is loved regardless and God provides people to love her Consistently!

Pray for more workers to fight for hope and freedom.

Part of my Exodus Journey

Reflecting again in the mountains and what a journey this has been...

How I am here, no real plans. Trusting moment by moment. Daily bread.

So far this is a bit what my week has looked like:

I pretty much am living out of my car and have stayed in a different place almost every night but I have been completely blessed by hospitality and love. The Dubois who invite me and many others to into their family. Friends from Montreat that are always encouraging and fun to see. Then to Missio Dei Church where the Elders gathered to hear from and pray over me. 

Seeing that SWO community family never ends- fellowship with Rachel C, Zach and Lindsay, and visiting the church plant that was so uplifting. 

Hope House- celebrating the first ever graduation! And remembering my ghetto girls I love so much it hurts. Seeing the most faithful volunteers- Dudas family :)

Then I put on the long skirt and headed to the Holler to help some with missions camp. How great to see young folk come and be trained to be missionaries! Who chose over spending a week at the beach to sleep in a mud hut. So blessed by them and sharing my journey of becoming a missionary.

Wow. As I write these down, I can focus on the many a blessings and silence the fears. 

Taking a risk can be painful and beautiful. 

I have had many experiences up here that seemed so random, it's amazing to see glimpses of God piecing them together for good.

Relying on God's promise: "My presence will go with you and I will give you rest... This very thing you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight and I know you by name."

 (Exodus 33:14-17)

My heart this time 2 years ago was so cynical,  feeling lost in my wandering and wondering what God was up to and why life was always so hard. What a journey of freedom through the wilderness! Finding grace in time of need. Yes, it's still hard but many have helped to learn it is worth it. 

 Trusting the goodness of the Lord and the daily provision. 

Living out the Beloved- 

    "The real trap, however, is self-rejection. As soon as... I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking, 'Well that proves once again that I am a nobody'. My dark side says that I am no good.. I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected and abandoned. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the 'Beloved'. 

Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence." 

- Henri Nouwen

Still have a ways to go on this journey but thankful for the support thus far. 

Sexy Ministries vs. Long-term Involvement.

Come as you are. Join a sexy church and cool title ministry. Inner-city. Sex-Trafficking. Go Green. All organic. Kony. Fair Trade. Social Justice....

These are few of common trends I've seen among Christians lately. Though none of these are inherently bad, it is just interesting how we quickly fall into trends and sometimes do more harm by trying to help than good. What seems to be our motivation? Are we really willing to get deep involved or are we simply looking for the next trend? Is missions are next vacation adventure or are we willing to do whatever it takes to live our lives for the gospel?

By no means am I saying I am there, I just take each next step by God's grace. I just get tired of hearing so many people get on the craze and then fade quickly. For example: when learning about trafficking-many people automatically want to open a safe-house, and though that is great and there is a huge need- don't just create another issue! Why don't we come alongside ministries that already exist and help them do more? When you first become a Christian, you do not open a seminary the next day. Let's learn from each other, not keep creating the same mistakes and more needs that cannot be filled.

If our motivation is simply because it sounds great, we will die out quickly. This may sound like I am discouraging people to get involved- and I am not! There are so many needs and ways everyone can and should but if our motivation is simply a trend, well trends change too often and that is not fair to those whose lives are affected.

But there is another side, once you know- you are responsible. Once you have seen the reality, you cannot turn away and pretend it does not exist. So solution? It is not always simple. Consider your gifts, talents and offer your life as a living sacrifice. This requires everything- time, finances, vulnerability, everything! But it is worth it. You can pray with me for more workers in the Kingdom.

"The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to   send out workers into his harvest field.” (Matthew 9:37)

Freedom from Slavery

"Over 18 years of serving abused and exploited women and children, Hagar has learned a lot about freedom. We know that it it doesn't come with release from imprisonment. It isn't about rescue from a brothel. Freedom is a journey; it's not a moment. It begins when a woman or child feels loved. When she learns to love someone herself. When she really understands that she is the beloved of God". -  (HAGAR)

This really stuck out to me as I read their newsletter. It is such a long, hard battle for freedom beyond a moment as many of you women can relate. Sometimes it feels like we get nowhere when we focus on all the terrifying statistics and every sin we keep getting entangled by. Although it is tough, it can be simple. These girls need to be LOVED. To know they are loved regardless. We need to know we are LOVED, loved regardless. To speak truth over the lies of slavery and remember that Christ's love wins. It conquers death.

This is my prayer for the girls still needing rescued- that they will not only be released from slavery or prison, but given the opportunity to reach their God-given potential.

I also pray that each of us would know and live out our God-given potential.

Broken Dreamer learning grace.

I am a dreamer. If you know me well, you have probably seen me light up talking about a dream for others or my own future of what we could do for the Kingdom. My dreams have walked through the wilderness. Tasted glimpses of God's beauty and provision. Of what comes alive when community believes in you and sees beyond the potential you can see.

But my dreams have also experienced brokeness (anyone relate?). I have realized some people just do not care and others ready to throw rocks at it. It is easy for the cynical thoughts to come through and the lies that are always close by whispering "you're not good enough", "it is too difficult", "stop bothering people", "suck it up"  and countless others. These lies try to keep us isolated. They keep us from trusting God is able. That God is good.

There are many ideas and dreams that have not happened and lessons learned where I realize later it was better that way.  We do need to trust that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). 

However, we need to not let the Enemy keep stealing the dreams and sit in the lies of "safety". It is hard to risk being known and vulnerable, to entrust to others your heart and dreams.  I am not saying that every idea we have or dream will instantly happen and that it is God's plan. But the dreams that God has instilled in us, the true desires of our heart- they need to be awakened and cultivated. They need to have someone believe in them too. 

There is no way we can do this alone. I am thankful for the many people who have helped me become who I am today. The ones who have sat with me crying because I did not believe I could, but they chose to speak truth to me, for they saw beyond my own potential. I have also experienced the hurt of the lies that are easier to listen to; But the truth is greater. Please listen to that. 

I am writing this to myself because it is a lesson I constantly need reminding of. I need to be reminded of what comes alive when others believe in you. To be very honest, this is a struggle right now. Though I am excited for this next step to join YouthHOPE, I cannot do it alone. If others do not believe in it as well and want to partner with me, it will fail. It will never happen. If the local church does not believe in missions, we will not send. We can not go. 

Many moments feel risky. The vulnerability of asking for help, I do not like. But it is needed and more beautiful than what one person could ever dream of accomplishing on their own. If it was not for already experiencing people who believed in me, I would not be where I am today. And I need this to keep going. 

So I am asking, will you dream bigger dreams for the Kingdom and stop believing the lies yourself? Can we speak truth into each other? And cultivate belief, not unbelief. 

One person can not rescue every child from the bondage of trafficking, but what if we could help go love that one, then bring more people along to love another? Do not let issues too big for us stop us from doing anything. We can not send everybody, but we can maybe send that one. We can believe in the others right next to us and speak life to each other. 

[Trust the Climb.] Confessions from a terrible Outdoor Alumni...

Today I went rock climbing (at a gym, since I'm in Florida) and though was fun, especially to hang out with the people I went with, it was also terrible and reminds me of so many fears and frustrations.. Let me try my best to explain my random cra-cra thoughts...

My first major exposure to adventure was OLD School (week-long and semester). I have a love/hate relationship with adventure in the outdoors. I feel like a major fat girl sometimes, a diva the next moment, wanting to cuss, cry, scream, but then (usually towards the end), I LOVE it! Let's not lie, I usually like the results: the stories you have, the experience, and accomplishment you feel. These results are not usually ever seen from outsiders though so why do I care what people think? Yes, I can try my best to explain the crazy stories and different accomplishments, but really that is not what it is. It is me embracing the weakness and experiencing benefits of community and God's provision. It is the inside jokes and how people get to know you without distractions and as many guards up. It is having no where to hide but one choice to keep on keepin' on! You can think you want to quit half-way in, but what are you going to do, just sit out there and whine? Or are you going to get your butt up and head to top of that mountain. There is always a better view up there where we can get the better perspective of the purpose of the valley.

Every time before a major wilderness trip or outing, I usually freak out a bit and wonder what I'm getting myself into. Part of me is excited, and part of me is like really, I can just stay here in the known comfort. This relates so much to my relationship with God. Every time I feel him calling me to the next step of the grand adventure, I freak out. I can only think of my weaknesses. All that could go wrong, etc. Not all hikes are easy, it is usually the hardest ones that bring better stories. I mean what is a story without conflict anyway? And no one wants a story where you hide from the conflict but where you embrace it and conquer it. The only difference here with me is I constantly am reminded that I can not conquer it on my own, I need Christ. I need His strength, His purpose, His provision, and peace. Not my own will but His. I need to surrender control and let him lead.

So please pray that I trust this.


I am preparing to join YouthHope soon (simply in application process). Reaching youth globally is my calling and I cannot run from it. Whether it is to the girls stuck in brothels, youth in poverty, or awareness and encouragement to the youth here in the States- This all encompasses where I want to be a part of helping. I do not have to be defined to one particular cause to define my identity, this is simply the next step. Whether it is using the adventure tools, ministry education, or experience working with at-risk youth, or even my own weaknesses and failures- It all can be used if I surrender and trust. God made a promise that He who began the good work will carry it unto completion. (Philippians 1:9)


This is where I have peace. But this is where you come in- I need you to remind me of this- tell me when I need to stop being dumb, remind me trust God to be God. You can also partner with me in ministry. That is needed to. I cannot do this alone. I need the Church, we need each other. There are many ways to do this. Let me know if you are interested. More updates to come.