It's Friday, Friday... (The Reality)

I have been hesitating writing an update but made the goal to do it this morning, so here we go... One reason I have hesitated is feeling like I can't even keep up with my own life, so how do I update others? Especially, the ones I left behind in Florida or even Cambodia.

Another reason, is I do not want to think about everything. There are some days that I wish I never knew anything about sex-trafficking. Some days that I even have the terrible thoughts that I am not sure if I want to know the gospel with the responsibility that comes with it. Though I had an amazing summer, moments I wish I never went to SE Asia. Then I would not have amazing girls behind, have seen images of injustice that haunt me, or held the crazy kids in the orphanage with all the unmet needs there. Formed close relationships with my team and other missionaries.

So I leave the summer, make a crazy change of plans that distracted me from processing it and add more to it!

I commit to a ministry burdened on my heart and moved in to be a live-intern at the Hope House in NC (www.hopehousenc.com). I have also been working part-time at a salon in the mall. There have been moments standing there supposed to sell up another pricey bottle of shampoo to a customer but all I can think about is little kids in a village lining up shouting with joy "Knoym meanne chi!" (I have lice). We were doing a hair washing ministry and the kids with lice got special lice shampoo. Who knew washing hair was such a treat?





Though I just had the most amazing summer so far, it is difficult to talk about that or my job now. Because do you want the full picture? Even what I'm struggling with? I feel like the burden. The Debby Downer. SE Asia is full of wonderful people. But also hurt, despair, and brokeness.

What about now? Am I not doing what I chose to do, in the city I love, and awesome ministry? It is true. My time is spent to three girls that many times hate me, feel entitled to everything, and thankful for hardly any of it.

My patience right now sometimes wants to.. well, I'm not going to share everything on here ;)

But then I remember....
I am not working for them, the other staff, or others around me.
Then in a moment of despair, I receive a letter or text of encouragement.
Someone reminds me they are praying for me.
One of the girls opens up to me.
I realize how good the gospel it is- it frees my soul and burdens. I just have it backwards.
Or I remember the past and how God works all things for good, though I don't understand.
I would never give up knowing my team and that we are spread out over the world! That is an amazing thing!
I am not alone.
God's promises remain true.
chosen beloved.
I am not God.

From Cambodia to MiniVans.

As I drove the mini-van to bring one of the girls to cheerleading practice today (wait, who would have thought I would be saying that sentence). But life has been such a whirlwind.

Although the first sentence does make it seem like I'm living the safe, American dream- it does have a lot of- shall we say- flavor? Nice house, mini-van, food, and a bed provided. Filled with girls with many mood swings and who rarely accept what is offered.

Many contrasts. Some similarities. As we say in Cambodia- Same Same but Different.

Oh also here is another random fact of my life these days: I work part-time at a salon as well. I have had many experiences, internships, and many things still in need of processing. Even after OE classes- my life cannot hide from reflection- instead of reflection papers- I am now blogging like a nerd.

These are all random sentences and thoughts that do not all seem to fit together. But that is how my life feels. And yet each moment, each experience and season, all prepare me for the next one. I am reminded today how God works all things for the good of those who are called. I am reminded of perseverance. I have had "I'm done!" moments before but God's grace covers them and keeps me going. There are many moments when I wonder what I'm doing and how I can keep going. But I keep forgetting that God loves me. I feel many times like He holds out on me. Prayer for trust that He knows the desires of my heart more than I do.