Romans 8:28. I have read this verse plenty of times before. Yes, God works all things out for the good of those who are called according to His purpose.
Will I believe that even when she needs to be transferred to another program?
And when I leave early into the unknown, undefined?
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I am sitting in a house I am house-sitting for which has provided much needed space to stop, rest, and process the many recent transitions. In the past year, I have had many life transforming experiences, moves, and changes of plans. Though this rest time is much needed, it is hard to let my self sit in the silence, unanswered questions, and wanderings of my heart. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know the why's, and left with many things I don't understand or feel I can handle...
"Be still and know I am God.."
"Be anxious for nothing.."
"learning to BE content"
So many times I have defined my worth by my doing and not being. Not who I am in Christ. Currently, I am not involved in any ministry, I am still at this moment unemployed, and do not have any major thing defining me.... Just me, and the silence. Waiting on God.
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I started this update a while ago and then either forgot about it or just did not know how to update. I have been back in my hometown for almost 4 months now. It has taken a while to process and heal. To rest in God and renew strength. A time of just being in community with just who I am, not what I do. It has been a sweet time to catch up with people who have crossed paths again.
I hate goodbyes. It has taken a while to heal from some of them. I hate not have closure or good endings. After talking to a dear friend though who has spent time with Haiti and similar struggle with leaving her heart there- she said to me "Wouldn't it be so cool to have my kids I love from Haiti and your girls you hold dear from Cambodia to meet and worship and play together?" Such a beautiful image and idea. I then started thinking about Heaven- not an escapism, dreamy white clouds but of the beautiful picture of no more separation and every tribe and nation coming together to worship God. I long for this day. It makes me excited. It makes me want to live for more here and care less about worries I get so wrapped up in. One of my new Khmer friends I met in St.Cloud is experiencing America for the first time and noted that we worry too much. In her country (Cambodia), they are more free to just be. What is ironic is that she has faced genocide and hunger. But maybe she realizes bills, a cleaner house, and newer clothes really are not worth such anxiety that we make it out to be. I really was challenged by this. It makes me want to choose to trust
Here is some random thoughts and update on where I am at. I do have a job currently working as a pool attendant which is first mostly stress-free job (well I at least don't have to emotionally take it home with me). It has been hard, refreshing, and a good season of growth. But I do hate waiting. This waiting period has been trying my patience. But God continually proves faithful. And I trust good things are in the works to come. Blessings to be taken hold of in this moment.
